"The world's only on-line, in-stall magazine."
SUBSCRIBE TO THE TP ABSOLUTELY FREE!! CLICK HERE
CLINTON TRICKS CONGRESSMEN INTO CLAPPING FOR HIM!
Last evening, during his State of the Union address, still President Bill Clinton achieved the unthinkable. He tricked hundreds of diehard Republican Congressman, sworn Clinton enemies, to applaud his vision and his efforts as President.
How did he do it? With the subtle use of baseball hero Sammy Sosa, throwing a few dozen billion dollars at the Pentagon, and the image of Ronald Reagan's momma.
"When he promised an additional $110 billion in defense spending over the next five years, I could do nothing but stand up and applaud," growled Georgia Congressman Bob Barr. "That slimy bastard."
Sosa's presence was also superb mastery of clapping propoganda, as the entire chamber stood to honor the man who hit 66 homeruns last season, 4 short of Clinton himself. As the applause died down, Clinton thanked the entire room, and several hundred Republicans emitted a resounding, "Doh!" in unison.
But the deftest manuever of the evening came when Clinton held up a picture of an old woman in a wheelchair and said, "This is Ronald Reagan's momma. I have a momma too. I love Ronald Reagan's momma. I think Ronald Reagan's momma is a great woman." After a split second of silence, the entire Congress erupted into a series of boisterous cheers.
"Oh that Clinton," said Democrat Barney Frank. "He sure knows how to play a crowd."
The TP is in the running for the Cool Humor Site of the Year. Odd but true. "The Toilet Paper, we're on a roll!"
SUBSCRIBE TO THE TP ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
TOILET PAPER POLL:
Is your mother a fish?
OF THE DAY
Even if the TP wins the Cool Site of the Year Award, Gary Coleman will still be a heck of a lot cooler than all of us. Fuck Gary Coleman!
|BEST OF THE TP
Read, "Life as a Lollipop," the critically defaimed piece about man who spent the summary working as a lollipop.
The AwYeah! Page - The best The TP has to offer, updated every Monday.