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JEWS FOR JERRY (CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1)
Meanwhile, I was getting desperate outside. Exuberant fans were exiting
with signatures, many of them having touched Jerry. I decided to try a last ditch effort
to get inside. Strolling up to the main security guard, I gave him a wink and reached my
hand out as if to shake. But as our hands clasped, I pressed a quarter into the other
palm, whispering, "This is just a token of my appreciation," and tried to push
my way past him but the guard would not budge.
I would have to resign myself to seeing Jerry through the
window. But I think I managed to agitate Him anyway.
The proselytizing on the street continued for another hour, as we searched for heathens that might be ready to see the light and join the JFJ. A cameraman from NBC spotted us and asked for an exclusive interview. We talked at length about the merits of the Church For Springer. It has yet to be determined whether the interview aired on national television.
Eventually the moment came when Jerry had to leave the scene. Waving to His adoring fans from behind his twenty plus security guards, Jerry spotted us again. He looked at the signs and gave us the holy thumbs up, calling out, "Thanks, Jews For Jerry! Thank you!"  Perhaps Jerry said to his body guard: "It's viewers like that that allow me to keep visiting the high class prostitutes." The best moment, however was discovered several days later when we realized that
quite by accident they were now in the possession of a close up shot of Jerry's crotch.
Hallelujah!
Additional
holy pictures of Jerry For a more detailed explanation of the basic tenants of the Church of Springer, please visit the very realistic appearing Jews For Jerry website. The editors of Ooze and the TP look forward hours of fun reading the hate mail the site should generate. We will publish the first batch in the TP mailing list in a week or so, but check back soon for a sampling of said hate mail on the web. When reading, please remember that the JFJ website is a JOKE! Also, please don't blow our cover. AwYeah! To issue a cease and desist order for The Toilet Paper, representatives of Jerry Springer should contact editor@thetp.com. SUBSCRIBE TO THE TP ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! Thanks for reading. Thoughts? mailto:thoughts@thetp.com |
